Here it is .... The long awaited ...

.. Top Tips From The Philly Factor and The Down'em Dimension!

(alias:- Dalby Sister #1 and Baby Sister)

Tip #-37 : With  winning races, girls are suddenly hyper-attracted to you. Hire bouncers and stretched limo's for that timely get away from the sailing club. 

Tip #-36 : When in the lead of a race, calm your helm by gentle stroking and running fingers through their curly mop. Head massages are good if you can find the time.

Tip #-35 : I crew in a pink boat me but I am a real man honest!

Tip #-34 : Drive for glory, putt to win.

Tip #-33 :(Perch at Salcombe from the bottom of a pint of lager-pop) If anyone else came here and saw what the wind did, they'd simply just smash their boats up when they came ashore.

Tip #-32 :Auto helm system - simply wedge the tiller extension between the spinnaker poles and boom. Makes turning corners quick and easy. 

Tip #-31 :Make sure you rent a bed at Salcombe week and ensure you don't spend most of your sleeping time on the toilet floor (ahem).

Tip #-30 :Fixed rudders at Salcombe - for the gentleman yotter with wide eyes and attitude.

Tip #-29 :Shoreham Open - take some ear plugs and toasted cheese and tomato. 

Tip #-28 :Toasted cheese and tomato - one slice and you can then kip during a Salcombe rave (Ask Pirate Dan Alsop Oooo Arrrgh for details)

Tip #-27 :When taking your mast off, it's much faster to let the puller off THEN let the forestay off. (Alistair (AKA Mini Mike) managed this feat twice in as many days at Salcombe)

Tip #-26 :Don't bother taking your merlin to Salcombe - just enter and sit in the pub watching. It won't alter your results!

Tip #-25 :If you see Hwyel Blummin-Porkins heading your way at Fusion nightclub, nr Salcombe, carrying 8 tequilla's - stear clear! (Why did the Mexican throw his wife out the window again..?)

Tip #-24 :If you want the most un-PC expressions just listen to Phil Scott. Some are indeed priceless.

Tip #-23 :Choose the colour scheme of you new Merlin very carefully. Avoid the 1970's Bathroom style!!

Tip #-22: Carbon fiber foreheads - have some of that Linton and Kevin!

Tip #-21: Try not to savage Savage. Oooo Arrrgh. At the race training Dan, we'll try and explain the port - starboard rule...!!

Tip #-20: If you think you're taking Merlin sailing too seriously - book in a crewing session with Tom-Bowen Porkins. He'll put you back on course. You may come away after not finishing a single race  having had  extensive swimming practice, but you will not have  stopped laughing the whole time.  Now that's a top tip and a half!!

Tip #-19: Whatever you do - don't tease women Merlin helms with chauvinist comments- they can be rather fearsome and scary at times.

Tip #-18:  Don't get confused between planting a smacker on your girlfriend crew called Doris and  the old square top hoop - it ends up getting quite messy.

Tip #-17: Lifting Rudders - for the gentleman sailor  who prefers that longer Merlin.

Tip #-16: I'd just like to re-emphasize Tip -8

Tip #-15: A pint of Creme du Menthe makes for an interesting aperitif.

Tip #-14: Never trust a woman helm with a curly mop!

Tip #-13: When you remove old varnish with your brand-new random orbit sander, make

Tip #-12: If I find your boat in my garage again you will need more than a new transom.......keep it in your uncles. (Dalby Sister Senior dishing out the death threats!)

Tip #-11: Drill a row of large holes along the waterline of the rudder blade........they will prolong the life of the transom.

Tip #-10: Test new mast technology in a force 6 or above only.

Tip #-9: Please remember that more string is fast.

Tip #-8: When coming into land with a fixed rudder - make sure you take it off in a timely fashion.

Tip #-7: HANG ON!

Tip #-6: After the festive season, don't bother weighing yourself, just get straight on the treadmill. Is a combined 27 stone fast I wonder.

Tip #-5: 27 stone combined crew weight is great for perhaps 505 sailors..!

Tip #-4: When you've broke your mast, don't forget to fill in the insurance form.

Tip #-3: When you have just received your mast back from being repaired, do not attempt to sail in a force 8 and bu**er it all up again !!!!

Tip #-2: Metal masts - for the gent who prefers that .. longer sail!!

Tip #-1: Don't let this festive nonsense get in the way of your disgusting sailing habit.

Tip #0: When purchasing a new motor - first thing is to ask to see if you can lie down comfortably in the back! Should see the look the  salesman  gives you. (Especially after going all the way to Newport from London for a Mondeo Estate!

Tip #0.5 : Whilst purchasing above Mondeo Estate one should enquire why the salesman encourages you to enter said sleeping compartment over the back seat rather than through the tailgate. Perhaps he knows of Merlin-Rocket drinking habits, or perhaps not.....

Tip #1 : If all else fails, leave the puller off and put your crash helmet on.

Tip #2 : If you have 4 kids - all into merlin yachting, invest early in some cheap garage space.

Tip #3 : A DSQ looks much more sexy than last place, plus  there's a certain 'feel good' factor getting to the windward mark first. 

Tip #4 : When rounding the windward mark in a Championship race, finding yourself in your best ever position - make sure you attached the spinny poles.

Tip #5 : If your ever in 2nd place at the inlands and one of your spreaders break in a force 5  it could be a good idea to retire or you could break your mast and end up losing the chance of finishing with a decent result.